all at once

I spent a night working late, finishing up reports and regretting how I'd overestimated my ability to get everything done this week.  When I finally went to sleep, the birds were just starting to sing to one other from the trees.

I woke just a few hours later, to a wave of disappointment and exhaustion and hot tears.  After breakfast of toast and berries from this week's CSA box, I busied myself as best as I could -- making lists, putting fresh white sheets on our bed, scrubbing everything in sight.  I opened every window upstairs and down, allergies be damned.  I went out in search of peonies and lemons and mint.  I treated myself to my favorite wine, content to spend an evening at home.  I said it out loud, how happy I was in our life -- because it's true that you can find yourself, all at once, absolutely content and also hoping and dreaming for more.